Week number 8 in the baby baking series. This week brought to you by NO NAPS EVER. My apologies for the lateness of the post. I was well, tired.

And a brief(ish) word on dating of pregnancy: The average human gestation has been thought to be around 280 days. This is 40 weeks or 10 lunar months (a lunar month being 28 days in length). Naegele’s Rule is the generally accepted method of calculating the EDD (or estimated date of delivery). You can calculate this yourself by taking the first day of your last period, subtracting 3 months and adding 7 days. Or you can let you midwife or OB do it for you because they have a fancy schmancy wheel for just that purpose. (I’m going to talk about Mittendorf’s Rule some other time, but I would hope that this method becomes more common for calculating due dates as Naegele seems to underestimate the usual length of pregnancy). Because day ONE of pregnancy is the day you start your period (before you have actually conceived.) you are actually in your first week of pregnancy while you’re on your period! By the day your period is late you are 4 weeks pregnant. Now after that it’s all semantics. For example, I am 37. On my 37th birthday my dad said welcome to your 38th year of life. This is a little like on Monday do you refer to the next Saturday as THIS weekend OR NEXT weekend? SO on Sunday I was officially 12 weeks pregnant. Meaning I am now 12 weeks and 3 days or IN week 13. Make sense? This gets confusing when you look at books that aren’t absolutely clear what week they’re talking about. I have one book that I’m looking at week 13 and one that says I’m 11 weeks (counting from conception). CONFUSING.

Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 12+5 days

Weight: 186.6 lbs (I’m adding the 10ths but it’s that same as last week)

Gain: +3 lbs total (no change from last week)

Waist : 35 at the skinny 43 at the bellybutton

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44″ and 45″. That’s right. 44 and 45 INCHES. Buh dunk. A dunk.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night:  One. And I just take the baby.

Size of the baby bean: Peach! 3 inches

Weight: half an ounce. Woot.

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: Working on peacefulness. Working hard.

Physical crap: I’m having lots of good days. And when they aren’t good I feel BAD.

What I want to devour: Nothing. Really. I want some salad from the Olive Garden.

What makes me want to hurl: here’s something weird. SUGAR. Suddenly the thought of anything sweet is repulsive.

Supplements: Red Raspberry Leaf (2 caps). Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium (with D) pills (2).

Activity: Walking 3 or biking 6-7. It’s been rough going some days but I’m doing it.  I walked yesterday and the contractions have started. Every 3 minutes the entire time I was walking (which was a slow hour). So looks like my walking days are numbered.

Boy? Or girl?: Boy. Still boy. Eight. More. Weeks.

Names: Maxwell. Definitely Max. Middle name is picked but I’m not going to reveal it. I suggested Matt choose and you won’t believe it. Really. Girl… IF IT IS ONE (after I faint and have a myocardial infarction) I think Maggie Anne. Or Clara Anne. Anne after Matt’s mom’s middle name.

In other news: Ella turned one. I’m working on a one year post for her. But right now I’m mostly just exhausted because she hasn’t napped for CRAP in two days and I spent four hours baking a rainbow cake yesterday.

I’m also working on having FAITH in my body and it’s ability to get this baby out. A

 

Tandem nursing update (still talking about boobs. you may skip):

I know the milk supply is down a bit (not at all gone). I’m fighting the same soreness I’ve been having the last couple of weeks. It’s bad at times and I’m cringing but bearing it. Ella is doing a litle better with her night sleep. I’ve been nursing her are moving her over to the twin bed so she won’t stay attached. She fusses through the transfer but will usually sleep a couple of hours by herself before she’s looking for me and my boobs.

And here’s the belly photo:


 

first trimester , pregnancy , tandem nursing

Week number 7 in the baby baking series. This week brought to you by MEDITERRANEAN FOOD AGAIN.


Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 11 (Depending on how you week the whole pregnancy week thing you can now say we are entering week 12. )

Weight: 186 lbs

Gain: +3 lbs total (no change from last week.. I went down a pound at weeks start but had put it back on by yesterday)

Waist : 35 at the skinny 42.5 at the bellybutton

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44″ and 45″. That’s right. 44 and 45 INCHES. Buh dunk. A dunk.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night:  One. I’m too tired to get up more than that. I just hold it.

Size of the baby bean: We’ve got a lime in there people! 2.5 inches and it’s got FINGERNAILS and teeth buds!

Weight: WHOA. 1/4-1/2 ounce in our case probably half a pound

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: Lots of continued nerves this week and general crankiness. I’m tired and that doesn’t help. And still frustrated about food and worried about making a moose baby.

Physical crap: I’ve had at least a couple of days where I didn’t feel SUPER SICK. And even a couple of nights. I think hope is on the horizon.

What I want to devour: Mediterranean food. Yeah. Still. I’m turing into a garbanzo bean.

What makes me want to hurl: The list is long. Basically if it doesn’t sound good it sounds BAD.

Supplements: Red Raspberry Leaf (2 caps). Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium (with D) pills (2).  I’ve been hearing about taking D from EVERYONE. It’s like the whole world is suddenly D deficient. That may be true but I hold on to my feeling that vitamins mostly make expensive pee. Or maybe my instructor just drilled that into me with the whole have you ever LOOKED at your pee after taking vitamins? Especially A, D, E and K the fat soluble ones.  Because of how they work and are absorbed. These vitamins are stored in the liver so you actually can have a reserve of them when you don’t use what you have on hand. NOW it’s been a while since I was in school and I’m NOT a nutritionist. But I gotta be frank. I feel like food (or diet) and vitamin trends are well, trendy. Remember Atkins? Remember no sugar no fat? REMEMBER juice fasting and total body cleansing? Yeah. Point. Made. A well rounded healthy diet will take you far. Am I D deficient? Maybe. I’m not sure. In the meantime I guess all told I’m taking about 2000 IUI a day just because of the existing supplements I take so I haven’t added any additional.

Activity: Walking 3 or biking 6-7. It’s been rough going some days but I’m doing it.

Boy? Or girl?: Boy. Still boy. 9 weeks and counting.

Names: Pretty sure we’re decided on Maxwell? Max. Maxwell something. Edgard? I think Edgard. There’s a story behind that. I’ll tell you someday.   I think it’s ironic that we completely agreed on TWO boys names with Ella. And TWO girls names now. But can’t decide on a boy. Almost positive it would be Margaret Anne (Maggie) if it’s a girl (but yeah. It’s not). If it is I’m going to faint right there in the office. I swear.

In other news: I’ve been working really hard to stop obsessively worrying about delivering a moose. I’ve been reminding myself that my body will birth the baby it makes (even though I know SOMETIMES this isn’t true). I’ve been reminding myself that I got ELLA OUT even if she was huge and I needed help. Mostly what makes her birth scary (and for some reason scarier now than it was then even) was the time it took to get her out (5+ minutes). In reality it took the time it took because I didn’t flip hands and knees right away and I didn’t flip hands and knees right away because 1. we were waiting for a contraction (which wasn’t coming) then 2. I pushed. 3. I pushed some more and 4. There was a possibility of popping her head out of water when I flipped so we didn’t want to flip right away (I kept her under for what it’s worth). But IF I had another dystocia the fact is I’d move right away and we’d employ the appropriates maneuvers right away which would give us a fair amount of time to get her out before we even had to worry. The other fact is that the chances of me having anther dystocia are somewhere in the 10-13 or 15% range depending on what study you read and I question… do these studies take into account the number of babies I’ve delivered before? The fact that I had a 9 pound baby literally without almost no effort and an 8 pound baby that virtually SLID OUT ON HIS OWN? I’ve NEVER, not with any of my kids pushed more than 15 minutes (not even the first one). DO these studies account for the fact that my dystocia might have been more about pushing position than size? Or that I hadn’t had a baby in almost 11 years? I feel like when you combine all those factors you can reasonably conclude that I could probably birth a 12 pound baby. And what are my options? I’m NOT having an elective c-section. And the hospital has no more devices at it’s disposal to get a stuck baby out than I do right here. (In fact given possibility of restricted movement maybe LESS.)

The other thing I feel like is that the less emotionally and physically present I am in my body the less capable we are at working together. So I’m working on that. I’m spending some time reflecting and doing simple yoga to get me more grounded and in tune.  I spent most of Ella’s labor being social and visiting. Joking and chatting and worrying about my other kids being ok and understanding what was going on. I was worried about people eating and drinking and the fact that I needed to change the sheets on my bed. I was fretting over what I was going to feed everyone for dinner because I’d been in labor longer than I anticipated. All in all I wasn’t really worrying about myself. I feel like while that didn’t hurt my labor at all, I would have been more in tune with what was going on in there if I had kind of drown out the background noise. I’ll be talking about this with our birth party and letting them know what they can probably expect from me.

Tandem nursing update (still talking about boobs. you may skip):

Well I’m not gonna sugar coat it. It’s a little rough right now but mostly just at night. I feel like my supply has dropped a bit (there’s PLENTY of milk because I had TONS before but I can tell it frustrates Ella). Ella wants to nurse (or stay latched) for several hours at night which used to be fine because I could sleep through it but I’m SORE so it wakes me up. Then I can’t sleep and I’m frustrated trying to get her to let go and sleep. Which frustrates her. And wakes up dad. One night this week he actually just got up with her AT 3 AM. SO yeah. That wasn’t good. So I’m working on getting her to sleep next to me but not attached TO ME. It’s a challenge.

And here’s the belly photo:

 


 

baby baking , first trimester , pregnancy

Week number 6 in the baby baking series. This week brought to you by hummus and pickles. After the ultrasound last week my due date was pushed up (back?) by three days. So now March 25. I’ll be posting weekly updates on Sunday or Monday. (or late like now)


Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 10 (+2 days today)

Weight: 186 lbs

Gain: +3 lbs total (no change from last week.. or from the last 4 or 5 I think)

Waist : 35 at the skinny 42.5 and the bellybutton

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44″ and 45″. That’s right. 44 and 45 INCHES. Buh dunk. A dunk.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: 2 to about a hundred and usually carrying the baby

Size of the baby bean: KUMQUAT! Woot.

Weight: like small. Super small

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: OK I mostly quit crying so that’s good. Other issues I mention below.

Physical crap: I made my bed this week. Twice. Also there have been at least a couple of hours in each day where I don’t want to die. I’m right on track with feeling pretty good by 12 weeks which would be the norm for me. I’m still tired but oddly waking up and sitting up awake for an hour or two at night.

What I want to devour: Mediterranean food. Yeah. Still. And the pickles. Still. That pretty much covers it.

What makes me want to hurl: The list is long. Basically if it doesn’t sound good it sounds BAD.

Supplements: Red Raspberry Leaf (2 caps). I tried to drink the tea. I WANTED TO. But gag. So. Sick. Even the pills are making me sick so haven’t been taking them every day. Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium pills (2). Taking this to boost my calcium because of the nursing.

Activity: I’ve been riding the bike with the Man 6-7 miles a day when he’s around. I have taken one day off a week which I feel guilty about but it’s REALLY hard to get out for a walk in the early morning hours with kids having to be at school. It’s been really hot this week and after one hot evening bike ride that left me feeling so nauseated and exhausted I wanted to cry, I decided against doing that. EVER. AGAIN.

Boy? Or girl?: Boy. I have no girl vibes. At all. This is so weird. Every premonition I had BEFORE I was pregnant suggested we’d have TWO girls. I didn’t see a boy. I’m not trying to suggest I’m psychic but long before Matt and I ever talked about having babies at all I saw us with a baby girl and then another. No boy. But this FEELS like a boy. Still I’m sick like a girl. I keep actually trying to convince myself it IS a girl but I can’t. Matt thinks this is because I want a boy but I assure you I do not care. In fact if I did have a preference it would be for a girl just because we have tons of girl STUFF. She’d need virtually nothing. In any case we will know November 4th. It’s gonna be a long 10 more weeks.

Names: Pretty sure we’re decided on Maxwell? Max. Maxwell something. No idea. Maybe Reed. Maybe Hunter. I realize that many people don’t even think about  names for a while but I like to know these things. I like the baby having a real named identity. I’ve considered Homer. The Greek one. Not Simpson. Girl? Margaret Anne? Maggie. I think. Or Clara. Still pushing for Clara.

In other news: I am completely obsessed with my diet. After the midwife appt last week (Where she told me I really should keep my weight gain under 20 lbs and that I could REALLY gain ZERO and be fine) I have just been, well, depressed.  A. I’m starving. All the time.  Seriously I could eat every hour. HELLO I’m growing TWO humans. It’s SO frustrating because if I hadn’t gained like 55 pounds with Ella (maybe 60, the fact is I had JUST lost 60 pounds {that I gained working nights} the year before she was conceived and my weight just rebounded like NOTHING. I gained 15 pounds in the first TEN weeks) and Ella HADN’T weighed a million pounds (there is a connection between excessive maternal gain and macrosomia, big babies) AND I didn’t weigh 183 when I got pregnant THIS time (there’s a connection between maternal obesity and macrosomia) then NONE of this would even be a concern. At all. I wouldn’t even CARE what I gained. Because frankly I’ve never even paid attention. And it always worked out. B. I don’t even know what to eat or how much to eat so that I don’t gain weight. I’m weighing myself EVERY day. I feel like I’m on weight watchers. Want a big glass of milk? Can’t have it. Second piece of cheese? Nope. I can’t eat to satisfy hunger because I’ll gain weight if I do. And when I’m hungry I’m nauseated. And I’m constantly STARVING.  So yeah. I’m skipping the goodies and focusing on eating good and real. I’m trying to eat things that are nutritious but low calorie like apples and carrots and cucumbers when I’m hungry and not the carbs that sound good like crackers and bread but it’s hard. Frankly at this point the high fiber foods only make me more sick.

All in all I feel really miserable about the situation. And the only way out is through. I can’t live in regret because this is where I AM. I DON’T want a 10 and a half pound baby but there is no guarantee that even all of this will keep me from having one. And honestly I’m scared. I can look at Ella’s birth and come up with any number of reasons she got stuck. My pushing position (semi reclined, probably one of the worst for pelvic outlet space). The fact that I pushed without a strong urge (and that she wasn’t completely engaged in the right position so maybe I PUSHED her into one?).  The fact that  I hadn’t HAD a baby in 10, almost 11, years. And I can rationalize that I can deliver a 10 and a half pound baby with some help because I DID. Chances are if I did it squatting I could do it with no help at all. And maybe even a bigger baby? I don’t know. But I don’t want to find out. No thanks. I believe in the body’s ability to grow the baby it can birth, given healthy eating (and no diabetes, that’s a game changer). And I’m trying to remind myself that this is baby is NOT Ella and this pregnancy is NOT my pregnancy with Ella. But it’s hard. And I’m struggling. And there you go. Advice and words of wisdom are welcomed and desired. Please.

Tandem nursing update (still talking about boobs. you may skip):

Things are pretty much status quo. Ella has been nursing a lot and for longer periods (spending 20 minutes at the breast vs her usual 10) and I don’t turn her down but I have found myself offering her snacks more frequently (string cheese and fruit primarily). My nipples have been nursing a newborn kind of sore on some days and especially after a night of her wanting to be latched on. It’s hard to grit your teeth and bare it when you’re not only uncomfortable but nauseated. Several times in the last week I’ve found myself swallowing down various regurgitated meals because I simply can’t put her down to stand up (usually because she’s on the verge of sleep). But all in all it’s going quite smoothly.

And here’s the belly photo:

 

baby baking , first trimester , pregnancy

Week number 4 in the baby baking series. This week brought to you by lemon slices and my sofa.


Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 8 (presumably)

Weight: 186 lbs

Gain: +3 lbs (up one from last week. Either because I’m carrying water weight or because I’m eating CONSTANTLY to stave off illness)

Waist (I said belly button but I MEANT at the skinny part): 36″ today, 41 at the belly button

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: 2- one hundred million

Size of the baby bean: Kidney bean YUM! (.5 inch)

Weight: less than an ounce so no, I can’t blame that pound on the baby

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: I cried watching a flash mob of people singing doe a deer from the Sound of Music. I cried when my 13 year old kissed Ella’s forehead. I cried after I dropped Kelsey off for her first day of junior year today. I cried when Matt left to go to the Bay Area this week. I cry. A lot.

Physical crap: OH.MY.GAWD. No really. Ok to be fair, I feel pretty good today but I would be a big fat dirty liar if I said I feel even half this good on any other given day. This pregnancy is draining me in ways I could never have imagined. I didn’t do laundry FOR TWO DAYS. I have not vacuumed in four. I am so doggone tired I can’t even believe it. And nauseated. UGH.  So, why? There is a lot of speculation about me having twins but I’m not so sure.  I wouldn’t be SURPRISED if I was but so far no real overwhelming intuition to suggest it. I’m a little confused because I STILL think it’s a boy but I’m sick like it’s a girl. And the truth is I’ve never been pregnant six times with four other kids and a nursling who still looks for a booby every 2-3 hours day AND night. And I’ve never been pregnant and 37. (Ok so I’ll be 37 next week but close enough). And that’s a lot of things. I don’t want to be all WOEISME and whiny and crap but the first pregnancy and the sixth one ARE NOT THE SAME AT ALL. I’m a  big fan of saying it’s all relative (because I really believe it is). For me my pregnancy with Sean WAS hard. He was my third pregnancy (second carried all the way to term) and it was HARD. Well this is harder. (Ironically Owen was an easy pregnancy. But more on that another  time) But when I was pregnant with Sean THAT was HARDER. I didn’t know what having four kids was like so that was the hardest thing I’d done. You see what I’m getting at? So while THIS pregnancy has been the roughest so far it’s not fair to compare my 37 year old 6th pregnancy with 4 other kids to any other momma because its ALL RELATIVE. Maybe it’s only her first pregnancy but maybe being sick is kicking her butt. you know?

What I want to devour: That really depends on the hour. This hour I wanted Mediterranean food. Last hour it was spring rolls with peanut sauce. Cheese. And salami. And cheese.

What makes me want to hurl: Anytime after 3 pm, just about anything.

Activity: I’ve not walked in two days. School is back in and my mornings have been about driving. This upsets me but also I’m exhausted so not that much. My bike is fixed so I’m off Matt’s and back on mine which makes me happy but the baby seat isn’t transferred back so no bike rides while he’s gone. Which, given my track record of falling, is probably better.

Boy? Or girl?: Boy? Or twins. Will know next Friday at least how many

Names: I’m on the fence about the boy. It just doesn’t feel awesome. I haven’t said anything to Matt. I may just not. Girls names are easy though. Clara. Maggie (Margret or Margaret). Ruby. Annie. And I like Molly but I don’t think he will.

In other news: I’m not happy about gaining a pound. I’m not going to be all WHINEWHINE I gained a pound. The truth is the only way for me to not feel completely ill is to eat almost constantly. The day I felt best this week was the day I ate EVERY SINGLE HOUR. I have never even paid attention to the scale during a pregnancy but I am really mindful of it now and it’s hard. I’m starving all the time. And I want things like cheese. And milk. And CHEESE. And salami. And cheese. So this isn’t going well. I’m really worried about the eventual day when I’m REALLY craving stuff and am having to restrict what I eat.

Tandem nursing update (still talking about boobs. you may skip):

Well teething nursing baby is still teething. And nursing. Round. The. Clock. I’m no less worried about my supply but she nurses so much that for it to go would be a real surprise and kind of epic disaster. I have some mild camping while she’s nursing but I have that kind of cramping periodically anyway. Let down is slower to happen, up to a few minutes, but she seems unphased. My nipples don’t feel awesome. They’re pretty tender from the sheer volume of nursing but also kind of hormonally speaking too. Totally bearable though.

And here’s the photo (pretty sure there’s only one in there but can’t say 100%):

Note: This photograph creates the optical illusion that my legs are skinny which they are NOT. So yeah.

baby baking , first trimester , pregnancy

Week number 3 in the baby baking series. This week brought to you by pellegrino and mashed potatoes.


Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 7 (presumably)

Weight: 185 POUNDS

Gain: +2 lbs total, 0 from last week (YAY! This is exactly what I want to happen. trying to keep my gain in check, especially for the first 20 weeks)

Waist: skinny part 36″ today, @ belly button 39″

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: 3

Size of the baby bean: Blueberry (.5 inches). This is a big week for baby. Doubled in size from last week!

Weight: .04 ounce

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: Boo. Hoo. Hoo. That about sums it up.

Physical crap: Belly pooch. It doesn’t look pregnant. It’s just inconvenient. And the tired. Oh the tired. And the sick has hit. Full force. So yeah. Yuck. And if you don’t know me here’s a fun tidbit, I don’t vomit. I haven’t since I was about 5 or 6 years old and I just can’t seem to. Oh believe me, I’d LIKE to some days, But I can’t. So I just get to be green and sick. Constantly. (Well usually from about 11-12 on).

Grape juice pellegrino slushie:

What I want to devour: KFC Mashed potatoes. Coke.

What makes me want to hurl: ground beef

Activity (LABOR AND BIRTH PREP): Hitting the road daily. 2.5-3 mile walk/jog or 5-6 mile bike ride. So far this is working out really well. It’s tough to make time when I’m exhausted but I’m still doing it! One of my favorite birth prep books is  Active Birth. I really loved this book even as a nurse. For the momma who wants to actively participate in her birth it’s a great pregnancy resource. So I’m consulting it again and doing the yoga positions it suggests (which aren’t really any different from my regular yoga).

As a former L&D RN and lady who has been pregnant 6 times I can tell you that physical activity is PARAMOUNT. The more physically active and fit you are, the more likely it is that your pregnancy and delivery will be easier. This is absolutely not lip service. (However let me just add in a personal professional observation, I have found that VERY VERY fit women, athletes for example, actually have longer, harder labors, I theorize that this has to do with having very tight, strong muscles and actually not being able to relax, but it’s just a theory. I have a lot of theories, most of which you probably don’t want to hear. Don’t even ask me about birth plans. Just don’t.). Anyway, I was quite fit going into my pregnancy with Ella (prior to becoming pregnant I had been running a fair amount, up to 25 miles a week, and doing yoga and free weights) but spotting in the beginning halted my activity almost completely. After the spotting came the very early contractions. They weren’t making any change to my cervix so continuing to exercise was ok, and I did, except that they were pretty uncomfortable and made doing anything fast or strenuous almost impossible. Even the grocery store became a challenge. The mister and I would ride our bikes a fair amount and I swam once it was warm though. And I felt pretty good right up to the end when she was just so huge it wouldn’t have mattered if I had been an Olympian.I could barely get myself off the sofa. Swear. See:

That’s three weeks BEFORE she was born. THREE

So anyway that’s the plan for this time too. I’ll work out as hard as I can until my body won’t allow it. Then I’ll go back to the bike and yoga spending a lot of time focusing on the pelvic floor and my lower body because more than likely (given Ella’s very large size and assuming another similarly large baby) this baby won’t be born in the pool but rather from a standing squat or using a stool. More on that later.

Boy? Or girl?: Sick like a girl. But still thinking boy.

Names: How do you feel about Maxwell? Clara?

In other news: Um. My big kids are about to go back to school. That has nothing to do with being pregnant but it scary. I’m about to have a 6th grader, an 8th grader and a junior in HIGH SCHOOL. Lord have mercy.

Tandem (pregnant) nursing update (still talking about boobs. you may skip. Plus it’s long.): My supply, the thing I fear most, seems to remain a constant. I’m not sore. I don’t have the creepy crawly feeling many moms describe. In fact, except for being tired and paranoid about my milk, nursing Ella now is almost exactly the same as before.  She has started eating more solids but this is a function more of her age than my milk. I keep reminding myself that by age 1 Owen (my 11 year old) was only nursing 3 times a DAY. Ella stills nurses when she wakes, before she naps (2-3 hours later), when she wakes from nap (2 hours later), before she goes down again (2-3 hours later), when she wakes from that nap, before bed and often in between. THEN she nurses off and on all night (last night was literally ALL night. No, REALLY ALL NIGHT) but minimally every 2 ish hours (sometimes for only a minute or two though, just long enough to get back to sleep).

One thing I’m being asked is will I wean Ella at night before the baby arrives. Well the simple answer to this is no. IF SHE WEANS HERSELF, then that’s fine. BUT if she still wants to nurse at night, I plan to let her to whatever degree I am able. I respect and honor our breastfeeding relationship. It is something that provides her needed nourishment and emotional security and I am FINE WITH THAT. I don’t have issue with her nursing for comfort, say if she bumps her head or falls down. In fact, frankly I’m glad I’m there to provide that for her. I never turn her away at the breast or try to redirect her. If she wants to nurse, she can nurse. Period. No matter where we are or what we are doing. She is not something to be dealt with or handled, she is not an inconvenience, trouble or an irritation, she is my baby. And when I had her I personally decided to give myself to her, to love and care for her, to meet her needs, all of them, to the best of my ability. That is how I parent. It’s fine if you don’t, but that is how I do it. While the breasts belong to me physically, as far as she knows they are hers, just like her blanket or her sippy cup or her banana, so she can have them.

Does this mean I don’t get tired of being up at night? Of course not. Right now I am in a real struggle. I am TIRED. And I need more sleep. BUT I know that this stage of life is brief. It is so very very brief and it’s really helpful in parenting I think to remind yourself of this ALL. THE. TIME. If you’re a new(ish) parent you may not yet know this (or realize just how brief) but I know this stage is brief because in 5 days my baby, my sweet little Kelsey, is turning 16 years old. And I can remember as if it were yesterday, nursing her ALL NIGHT LONG. Just like Ella. And guess what? She doesn’t nurse anymore. She sleeps in her own bed (mostly). She’s sweet and independent and caring and awesome. Is that because of how I parented her? Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s working out so far. My kids are good kids. Ella will also most likely not be sleeping with me or nursing all night when she is 16.

Non traditional belly shot (because it doesn’t really look different than last week anyway):

baby baking , first trimester , pregnancy , tandem nursing