This week brought to you by hours and hours and HOURS in the kitchen. HOURS.

Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 23 weeks and some days

Weight: 193 lbs. (this is 3 pounds in two weeks. Pie? Well there has been some but overall I’m exercising and eating well so I’m trying to not FREAK OUT. but as the scale edges closer to 200 I’m getting a little panicky to be honest. I’m NOT excited about it. But also I’m healthy, my blood sugar is good, I FEEL GOOD. These things are more important in the long run)

Gain: +10 lbs total overall with 16ish weeks to go.

Waist :  45 at the bellybutton

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44? and 45?. Still

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: too many

Size of the baby bean: 11.5 ish inches. (being measured Head to foot now instead of to rump)

Weight: a pound and a half ish? Probably. Maybe 2 by now. Yeah, probably two.

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: Peace. Peacefulness is happening.

Physical crap: Uterine irritability. Typical aches and pains. I feel physically pretty well lately. Except the reflux. yuck. Oh and the price I’m paying for riding my bike way too much last week.

What I want to devour: Does everything count?

What makes me want to hurl: Not much.

Supplements:  Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium (with D) pills (2). Papaya enzyme for the reflux/heartburn. It is actually quite helpful. And my friend, the Prevacid. Also drinking Yogi Mother’s Tea now.

Activity:Biking. Lots of biking. Maybe too much biking. Like um 20 miles over four days.

Boy? Or girl?: BOY.

Name:  Maxwell  MAX!!

In other news: Ella and I, and, well pretty much everyone, were sick. Ella got a little break from cutting molars and slept ok for like 2 days. That’s over now. We are back to waking up several times a night and waking for the day ay 4 am. SO that’s awesome. I HOPE that it’s temporary. I’m a little scared.

I am TOTALLY aware that this baby will be here in like 16 weeks. THAT IS NOT VERY LONG. O.o

BABY PREP: Knitted two hats. Still need wool covers. Still need blankets. Still need clothes. Have gowns though so YAY.

Tandem nursing update (BOOBS BOOBS and more boobs. you may skip):

No milk. No colostrum. Ella is still nursing though. She’s even nursing once in the middle of the night right now (sometimes that’s the only thing that helps The Crabby). I’m struggling with being a sore off an on but we are persevering. I’m looking forward to having milk again. I do miss those nursing for food moments.

And here’s the  belly photo(s):

Week 22

 

week 23

baby baking , pregnancy , pregnant , second trimester

These week(s) brought to you by ultrasounds and rescue remedy. I apologize for my lack of updating. The cold hard truth is when I’m exhausted the blog is the first thing to go. Meh.

Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 21 weeks

Weight: 190 lbs.

Gain: +7 lbs total overall

Waist :  44.5 at the bellybutton (this measurement is not changing but WHOA my belly is)

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44″ and 45″.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: how ever many times Ella is up. Which lately is a whole bunch.

Size of the baby bean: 10.5 ish inches. (being measured Head to foot now instead of to rump)

Weight: over a pound according to the ultrasound tech (also noteworthy baby measures more than a week ahead in size. We didn’t have a reliable conception date but we aren’t changing the due date either way. March. Sometime)

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: I’m not crying every day. We’ll take that as a victory. The reality of this baby coming is starting to set in. It’s weird being so busy and tired I haven’t taken much time to reflect on the fact that another HUMAN will be here in just a few months. Crazy.

Physical crap: Round ligament pain. And continued contractions off and on without exertion.

What I want to devour: Banana bread. Still. And chocolate croissants. I wanted one for two weeks. FInally got one Friday. I wanted to cry a little.

What makes me want to hurl: not much thankfully. Except that because of reflux I have a hard time eating leftovers since I usually spend the day before tasting them in regurg. (Gross)

Supplements:  Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium (with D) pills (2). Papaya enzyme for the reflux/heartburn. It is actually quite helpful. And my friend, the Prevacid. Also drinking Yogi Mother’s Tea now.

Activity: Biking. Walking. Yoga. It’s getting hard to do much of anything but I’m not giving up. The 7 mile ride last weekend was a little too much. The 5.5 mile ride yesterday was about my limit I’d say. Also I have a prenatal belly dancing DVD I’m anxious to try.

Boy? Or girl?: BOY. Yep. It’s a boy and not to brag (yeah I’m totally about to brag) that makes me six for SIX. Dead on intuition. Weird. Also I’ll spare you the photo but there is NO chance this is a girl.

Name:  Maxwell {Matt will have to announce the middle name since he picked it). MAX!! Maximilian. Maximus. Max the Man. It’s a Max :)

In other news: We finally met with our homebirth midwife after a month or more of hit and miss. Things check out just fine and we will be seeing her monthly ish now. We will be spending lots of time discussing diet and Ella’s dystocia and what our game plan will be for prevention (careful gain, different pushing position etc). SO far my weight gain is right on target to gain a total of about 15-20 pounds for the pregnancy.

Also Ella is back to sleeping SUPER CRAPPY which has nothing to do with the pregnancy per se but is driving me insane. Just so you  know. I’d do just about anything at this point to have her sleep 6 hours straight and/or not be up 2-3 hours in the middle of the night. It’s boggling. And maddening. And exhausting.

Lots and LOTS of movement now. If I sit still and don’t feel something almost immediately I get worried. That’s how much movement. Normal for me now. Phew.

BABY PREP: Bought some boy things. Working on a hat. Need more wool covers and blankets. And will probably register somewhere even though I wont’ have any kind of baby shower. It feels weird but we do NEED some things for this kid that we don’t have so. That.

Tandem nursing update (BOOBS BOOBS and more boobs. you may skip):

No colostrum yet but this isn’t deterring Ella. She has been nursing before nap and bed (unless dad puts her down, which he does a lot when he’s home). If she wakes up prematurely in the morning (which is like EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.) or from nap I’ll nurse her to just be able to rest longer. She basically won’t ever turn it down if I offer but since she is so busy I don’t usually offer unless she seems like she needs it. It’s getting harder to find a position that works because my belly is getting in the way. SO that’s a fun development too.

And here’s the  belly photo(s):

ultrasound day: 19 weeks 5 days.

20.5  ish weeks

21 weeks.

 

Baby MAX!

baby baking , pregnancy , pregnant , second trimester

This week brought to you by The Art of Happiness by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I have this book audio version. If you haven’t read (or heard) it I encourage you to.

Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 18 weeks 2 days.

Weight: 188 lbs.

I drank a 12 ounce glass of milk a day (with instant breakfast) for two weeks and THAT happened (I started with the milk because I NEEDED that 20 grams of protein. Pregnant women should get 80-100 grams a day and I was getting about 40 maybe).  I’m trying not to freak out but I will admit… I’m freaking out a little bit. Because I started this pregnancy so much heavier than I am used to being (read: the biggest I’ve ever been) it’s REALLY hard for me to watch the scale climb. I know I NEED to gain weight for the health of the baby overall (or studies suggest anyway) but I wish I didn’t have to. I don’t WANT to weigh over 200 pounds, and I know it’s just a number, I do, but I don’t want to exceed it. That all being said I won’t ignore the scale because I’d rather watch and KNOW what’s happening than just put faith in my body to gain the right amount. Because let’s face it, my body likes CAKE. With the prior pregnancies I’ve gained anywhere from 30-55 pounds and my body seemed to regulate itself pretty well without me paying any attention (40 with Kelsey {started at 138}, 35  with Sean {started at 150}, 30 ish with Owen {started at 155}, 55 with Ella {started at 140, but had been 123 about two months prior, I gained that 17 pounds at Matt’s request}). I think now, a combination of my age and having been pregnant so many times, my body does different things with weight gain so I’m mindful of that.

Gain: +5 lbs total overall (that’s +2, actually 2.5 if I include the decimals, in ONE week. I hadn’t gained anything in 10 weeks so I guess I’m due to gain SOMETHING.)

Waist :  44.5 at the bellybutton

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44″ and 44″.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: 4. FOUR.

Size of the baby bean: 9 inches. MANGO.

Weight: HALF a pound!

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: It’s been a better week. Ella is still sleeping like crap so I’m still tired making me still emotional but I’m TRYING to not cry every time I turn around. This baby is getting real. And I’m finally starting to feel excited and not just scared of how crazy I’ll be with two little kids and three big ones.

Physical crap: My round ligament pain is up a notch this week. It’s always there but now it’s REALLY always there. Also pelvic pain and pressure. I HAVE 22 WEEKS LEFT. I’m not excited about already waddling and feeling way more pregnant than I am. But I guess being pregnant this many times will do that. Also itchy itchy belly. Ugh. Using coconut oil for that

What I want to devour: I REALLY want banana bread this week. I haven’t made it yet. Sigh.

What makes me want to hurl: not much thankfully

Supplements:  Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium (with D) pills (2). Papaya enzyme for the reflux/heartburn. It is actually quite helpful. And my friend, the Prevacid.

Activity: Some bike riding. Some walking. I’m parking far from the store and trying to use my stairs more times a day (just going up for no real reason) but I’m ALREADY having a rough time moving around. And the pool is freezing. So none of that.

Boy? Or girl?: Boy. Still boy. STILL. BOY. 2 weeks.

Names: Boy: Maxwell {insert exciting middle name here} Girl: Maggie Anne. Done. Picked.

In other news: Regular kicks now. Regular like every time I sit down I can be guaranteed to feel something. Yesterday I even felt them from OUTSIDE (which is saying something considering my layer of *ahem* padding). I am SO happy to be finally feeling regular kicks. It’s funny because we seemed to have completely bipassed the wiggly, fluttery stage. It’s as if the baby just needed to be able to contact the uterine wall. Now that he (she) can he’s able to put his strength to work in there. There’s a HUGE difference in a 12 week (half an OUNCE) versus an 18 week fetus (half a POUND). SO really that makes perfect sense.

BABY PREP: Diapers WASHED. Also went to the Carter’s outlet and used a 20% off in addition to the 40% they had already marked down to buy two gowns (unisex) and hats and two sleepers (unisex and BOY) and socks (boy). It’s risky buying boy stuff but I did the same with Ella because I was SURE (I had her entire bedding set by 20 weeks because I got it on clearance at target for about 60% off). Also the few Kate Quinn things I ordered came this week. Nightgown. Blanket. Onesie. T-shirt. They are more boy than girl but could work for either. Also a good twitter friend (NEVER underestimate the power of social networking, people) is sending me some diapers (and clothes for Ella) and saving her baby boy stuff for me. Because she’s AWESOME. (and her baby was born last year in March)

Tandem nursing update (BOOBS BOOBS and more boobs. you may skip):

Things are status quo with the nursing. Ella nurses to nap or at night sometimes (if I’m putting her down, I’ve been having dad do the bedtime duty when he’s home) and occasionally during the day just to snuggle or soothe. She’s able to fall asleep without nursing now even if I put her down. I just pay her in the bed and pat her back for a few minutes. It takes a little more time but my hope is that she will at some point soon be able to just fall asleep after being laid in her bed. Her total nursing time is probably less than 15 minutes a day (keeping in mind that even when I had milk a nursing session only lasted 5-10 minutes because of my super fast letdown and presumably her very efficient suck).

 

And here’s the (bare for a change) belly photo:

 

baby baking , second trimester , tandem nursing

This week brought to you by three hysterical breakdowns, one sainted husband and three consecutive hours of sleep. This is a long post because I have a lot to discuss. Nursing. Weight gain. Blood sugars. Emotional breakdowns. All covered today.

Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 17 weeks. ON THE NOSE. Look at me posting on time! Woot

Weight: 186 lbs  A note on gain: After our long bike ride last week my weight popped up 3 lbs. OVERNIGHT. (This always happens when I exert myself. It’s a fluid muscle storage thing). I panicked. I didn’t think about the ride only OMG WHAT DID I EAT? anyway. I’ve done a LOT of research about weight gain in pregnancy. I feel like I should devote a post to it. Suffice it to say NO MATTER your starting BMI (even if it’s >30 which is considered “obese”, mine was 29. Do I LOOK obese? Don’t answer that.) to gain zero weight has adverse outcomes for baby. My goal is to gain 15-20 pounds. I’m probably right on track to do that.

Gain: +3 lbs total overall (I haven’t gained a pound since week 8)

Waist :  35 at the skinny (I’m going to stop including this) 44.5 at the bellybutton

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44″ and 44″.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: every time I get woken up. Probably because I am drinking a gallon of water at night.

Size of the baby bean: 5.5 inches SWEET POTATO

Weight: 5 ounces. Whoa.

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: I’m not going to sugar coat this week. IT SUCKED ASS. Matt was gone to a big conference in the big City and I was alone and EX.HAUS.TED (because Ella is cutting molars and therefore sleeping like CRAP) but also alone and exhausted while he was getting to have fun. And by fun I mean DRINKING ALCOHOL amd SEEING THE SHINS in concert and running in a hamster ball and staying at the awesome Hilton. I really struggled with this because it’s part of his JOB to have fun (and he works REALLY hard) and he’s not TRYING to make me miserable. It’s not his fault. Really. It just seems to happen. And I assume it’s natural for me to be envious of his getting a break while I get perpetually MORE exhausted, but to have a hysterical breakdown? THAT’S probably hormonal. I’m just guessing. In any case, that was an ugly personal moment for me crying to my husband about how UNJUST AND UNFAIR life is for me right now, but I’m sharing it with you because i want YOU to know that PREGNANCY MAKES WOMEN INSANE SOMETIMES. Totally. Batshit. Crazy. He took over night duty two nights this week with Ella and even though I woke up every time she woke up not having to GET up and stand over her bed made a HUGE difference in my energy and attitude. Not that I don’t still want a martini.

Physical crap: One word: Prevacid. I COULD NOT take it anymore. The reflux was killing me. I didn’t want to eat anything ever. Not that I’m trying to gain weight, because I’m not, but there were two days this week where I just forced food down.  Also my belleh? It’s getting big. Like in the way big. I measure about 22 weeks right now and reaching the floor is a challenge. I’m picking up a lot of crap with my toes. I cleaned behind the fridge and under it and mopped the kitchen on hands and knees. Not sure how much longer I can do that. Also. HEADACHES. Bullshit. Period. Nothing works.

Also, this week I started checking my blood sugar both fasting and 1 or 2 hours after eating. WHY? Well after careful consideration and research I decided that I didn’t feel like one snapshot (the glucose tolerance test) of my sugar after fasting and then drinking something SUPER SUGARY was enough. Nor was it accurate. With Ella I opted out of the glucose testing completely because I honestly don’t feel like it’s super accurate and I know I’m not diabetic. BUT then she was HUGE and my midwife was like wellll hey maybe we should check and I was like wellll  let me think on that. Conclusion: I would rather have a big picture of what my sugars look like than a one day image. Here’s what I’ve found. My fasting sugars run anywhere from 63-85 (70-110 is normal). Postprandial (after meals) runs 85-94 average. I had ONE reading of 113 and hour and a half after I ate a banana. Normal is < 120 1 hour after and < 105 two hours after. Anything > 140 is considered a danger zone. The diagnostic numbers are basically anything higher than 180 at one hour or 153 at 2 hours. WELL, as you can clearly see I am NOWHERE near those numbers. If anything I’m a little on the hypoglycemic side. SO take that. It looks like maybe I just make big babies anyway. That all being said, I AM going to watch what I eat. Limiting simple sugars and carbs (white flour and sugar mostly) and watching my overall gain. But this whole fear factor of OMG YOU’RE A DIABETIC? Bull. Crap.

What I want to devour: I’m not overwhelmed with any “I MUST HAVE THIS” feelings. I’m grateful. Because usually those cravings are for things I should’t eat. I did eat a whole box of Special K red berries this week though. And vinegar-y things. Pickles. Olives. Pepperocinis. YUM.

What makes me want to hurl: not much thankfully

Supplements: Red Raspberry Leaf (2 caps). I haven’t been taking this AT ALL because I can’t STAND the taste of it. Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium (with D) pills (2). Papaya enzyme for the reflux/heartburn. It is actually quite helpful. And my friend, the Prevacid.

Activity: We took a long hard bike ride last weekend. HARD. With hills. It was rough. I won’t do that again. I’m doing some yoga but need to pull out the DVD to be legit I think. Right now I feel like the stretching and chasing after Ella is enough. I’ve been too damn tired to do much more.

Boy? Or girl?: Boy. Still boy. STILL. BOY. 3 weeks, people. THREE.

Names: Boy: Maxwell {insert exciting middle name here} Girl: Maggie Anne. Done. Picked.

In other news: Um not much to report. I’m obsessing about not feeling this baby move a lot. And when I can’t sit still and GET a movement I freak out and grab the doppler (twice now). He’s in there. Still 136-144 BPM. But I get paranoid. I am assuming this lack of constant kicking is a feature of the fact that my uterus is a CAVERN. I mean it’s 22 weeks huge with a 17 week fetus baby in there. As Matt put it, “He’s kicking into thin air honey.” Probably true. Still worrisome.

BABY PREP: I’m still working on the wool soakers. Bought some little socks and some newborn sized babylegs in boy-ish patterns (75% off yo). Once I know it’s a boy (or girl) I’ll get some gowns and such. Or maybe just grab some unisex stuff from Carters outlet. I sold Ella’s fuzzi bunz since we’re using the prefolds and soakers and with those proceeds was able to buy ALL the prefolds the new baby will need. Plus doublers.  No covers though. I also got two grovia AIO’s for the up to 15 pound stage. I’m planning on knitting more soakers and maybe buying a couple of velcro ones.

Tandem nursing update (BOOBS BOOBS and more boobs. you may skip):

With the milk nil our patterns have changed. Ella nurses to naps and bed (if I’m doing bed duty) and checks in during the day for a quick one or two minute session here and there. I’ve been really reflective this last couple of weeks. Losing my milk was hard. Really hard.  I felt really betrayed by my body. I WANT to nurse through this pregnancy WHY won’t my body cooperate. I felt really guilty and resentful even. I cried a lot and moaned a lot and fretted a lot. But I’ve come to a real place of peace. First: Our relationship as mother and baby has evolved into something new and different. Because there is no food involved in the nursing anymore, it’s about comfort and closeness which is sweet and special in a new way. (To those of you this weirds out… the first time I thought about “dry” nursing it seemed weird to me. Why would you continue to nurse if there is no milk? Well all I can say is that once you’re in that situation your feelings about it might change as mine have. Now I can embrace my relationship with Ella as about more than just food. I hadn’t really considered this before I was faced with it). Second: I have come to appreciate the space in my bed as she learns to sleep without nursing constantly. This hasn’t been easy for me. It felt like a real failure to be forced to night wean, but as I have said before, I do believe things happen for a reason. There is always something to be gleaned from the difficult moments in life. This is one. And with peace and reflection I can see that too. I hope she’ll be back to sleeping with Matt and I soon because we do like the family bed BUT that being said, if being in her own bed works out better for her I won’t push it. Soon enough there will be another little person there and he (or she) needs his (or her) space too.

 

And here’s the belly photo:

baby baking , pregnancy , second trimester

This week brought to you by an extra two hours of sleep and MILK. Lots of milk.

Stats:

Weeks pregnant: 15 and 5 days

Weight: 186 lbs (fluctuating from 185.2-187.0)

Gain: +3 lbs total

Waist : 34 at the skinny 44 at the bellybutton (minus one up top, plus one below)

And bust/hips (just for grins and giggles): 44″ and 44″. Soooo I’m a square. Awesome.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: does 10 million sound like an exaggeration?

Size of the baby bean: 4-5 inches (AVOCADO)

Weight: 3-5 ounces! That’s like HALF A CUP!

Other pregnancy related crap:

Emotional crap: We’ll talk about that a little further down…

Physical crap: I don’t want to throw up all the time. Yay. But the reflux. UGH. It’s so bad.

What I want to devour: I can’t really say I’ve had ANY intense cravings. Which is actually really good news.

What makes me want to hurl: not much thankfully

Supplements: Red Raspberry Leaf (2 caps). Prenatal (from trader joes). Calcium-Magnesium (with D) pills (2). Papaya enzyme for the reflux/heartburn. It is actually quite helpful

Activity: I’ve been bike riding when I can. Usually 6-7 miles. I am going to take a leisurely walk soon just to be outside.

Boy? Or girl?: Boy. Still boy. 4 weeks, FOUR.

Names: Boy: Maxwell {insert exciting middle name here} Girl: Maggie Anne. Done. Picked.

In other news: I am really kind of alarmed that I don’t feel this baby moving. Like at all. There have been a few isolated times I *thought* I was feeling something but as soon as I stop to see, no more. Of course. I’m almost 16 weeks which is still early by most standards for fetal movement but I personally usually feel something by now (keeping in mind that the fetus weighs SO very little at this point that for it to be able to produce movement strong enough to transmit through to the uterine wall is still difficult. At 12 weeks? {When I thought I felt my first Ella wiggles…} The fetus weighs a HALF an ounce. That’s half a tablespoon. SO you can see why feeling movement that early is unusual and considered impossible by many OB’s.) Anyway. Here I sit. Reading my journal from Ella i see I wrote that I began to feel regular movement around 16 weeks. And from the outside at 19-20. Also I measure far bigger than 15.5 weeks.20-21 at this point so obviously there is plenty of room in there for the little guy to swim around without hitting the wall. Still because I’m a woman and a mother I sometimes get irrationally frightened. The other night I dreamt the baby didn’t have legs. And then last night I was SURE he must have an abnormality that causes muscle atrophy so he can’t kick at all. Yes. This is motherhood. I also have regular dreams that I forget one or more children somewhere. (As i finished writing this I got 3 good kicks from baby. Sigh)

BABY PREP: I’ve cleaned out the small dresser than used to hold my bras and underwear and socks and lingerie, it now holds baby things (currently a few t-shirts and some unisex onesies that I pulled from Ella’s stuff). This was also the small dresser I used for Sean so it’s been around. It’s only got four small drawers but I don’t suspect we will have a whole lot of stuff for this kid unless it does turn out to be a girl (and even then I just gifted all Ella’s stuff to my new niece Pippa). I’m still working on soakers. We’ve (or I’ve I guess) decided to use them with prefolds (or fitteds) exclusively. I am going to buy a couple of AIO diapers for nighttime (groVia most likely because they are all natural fibers). If money was no object I’d probably buy all groVia’s because they are quite nice but alas it is, and at $22 for the one size it’s a little rich for my blood. I listed all of Ella’s fuzzi bunz on eBay this week and once that auction ends I’ll order the dipes we need with that money. The auction should result in enough money to get them all.

Tandem nursing update (BOOBS BOOBS and more boobs. you may skip):

Well if you follow the blog you know that since the last update things have changed dramatically. My milk is all but completely gone. And I’m sad. Really. Really. Sad. This is NOT how I saw things going. Not at all. Yesterday Ella nursed before morning nap. Once in the afternoon. Once before bed. That’s it. Three times in 24 hours. I’m practicing the “offer and don’t refuse” rule but she is really just SO busy that she just isn’t interested in working for something that is just a lot of work with no milk. She likes to nurse and snuggle and she will do that every now and then but mostly. Not. She’s had a real explosion with walking and language this last week. And she is just busy. So busy. She’s always been a never sit still baby looking all around checking things out (when we go to starbucks with other moms and babies SHE is the baby that won’t sit and eat her banana. She has to crawl all over the damned place) but lately this is really magnified. And I don’t mean she walks into another room to explore and play with whatever toys might be in there. I  mean she walks in the other room, then she walks back where she came from. Then she figures out how to open the stair gate and climb the stairs. Then she’s in the bathroom. Then she’s in the boys room playing with their toys. I want so desperately somedays to contain her to one room so I can rest while she plays around me but she won’t SIT STILL AT ALL. It’s been my experience in parenting that there are two kinds of intelligent kids. There are sit still and quietly observe kids. They don’t make a lot of noise. They don’t demand constant attention. They are content to watch others. And THEN there are the Ella’s.The kids that insist on exploring their surroundings. My 13 year old was just like that. He went to bed late. Woke up early. Walked early. Talked early. Never sat still. Never took the simple answer. Poured over books. Asked a constant barrage of questions.  This is Ella. And not surprisingly, me. Anyway, I feel like while she loves to be near me and to to cuddle, she loves her momma, she’s also balancing that with being a really inquisitive kid who doesn’t WANT to sit still to nurse. Especially if there isn’t milk there.

So where does this leave us (sorry that was WAAAAY off topic)? Well I really want to tandem nurse these two babies. I want Ella to nurse until she’s two for lot of reasons but mostly because my milk is her best insurance of health right now. I also hoped that the tandeming would make the transition to having another baby a little smoother. And? I really just love the idea of nourishing them both. I know this baby is our last (for SURE) and I want to treasure his (or her) infancy but ALSO Ella’s. We opted to have another baby as soon as we did because I don’t want to be having kids into my 40’s (though there is NOTHING wrong with that, I’ve just been having babies since i was 20 and I’m tired, also I want to spend time with my awesome husband before we are 75). So I’m rushing her out of infancy I feel sometimes and I want to hang on to that a little while longer. I hope my milk (or colostrum) comes back well before the end of the pregnancy (varied from mom to mom from 20 weeks up til a week or two before birth).

In the meantime, I don’t know if she’ll wean completely before then. I hope not but what happens will happen and I’m trying hard to embrace that these things happen as the should. Of she does wean then well, it was meant to go that way, and if not well then that. Not knowing what the future holds is hard for a person like me who likes order but I really appreciate the opportunity to learn to trust that things will be as they should. It’s an exercise in patience and faith.

And here’s the belly photo:

baby baking , breastfeeding , operation Baby #5 , second trimester