Hi.

No, I didn’t get taken away with Jesus in the rapture. Sorry to disappoint. From what I can tell no one else did either though so I’m still in good company here on earth.

So… what’s going on?

 

Welllll. A lot and nothing. At the same time. You know. Stuff. And things. The sad fact is I haven’t blogged worth a damn in a month so get ready to be absolutely OVERLOADED with images of my children. And me. And stuff. And things. Oh and food porn. YES. Food. Porn.

Apologies.

Off we go.

I tend to lose track of what I’ve told you between here and instagram, where I am a certified photo whore, and facebook, where I occasionally stop in to to post a video or photo or to complain about exhaustion or attempt to be witty for 30 seconds. Generally failing by the way.  SO if you’re inclined, and have an iphone, follow me on IG… I’m jonie (the ‘E’ is for Edelman. That’s my last name. And it’s means NOBLEMAN in German. Which I am not. Though I am in fact German) or alternatively if you like, add me on facebook… Go click over there —-> (if you can’t see my little photo and mini bio with social media links then click up there on the header to go back to the homepage where those things will magically appear because I haven’t gotten this problem fixed with the page yet AND then go add me on facebook and IG. Annnd breath.)

 

And you can see awesome stuff like me posting a video of Ella dancing to MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This. Yeah. That happened.

Annnnyway. The garden is planted:

It hasn’t been doing as well as I’d hoped because, well basically, we live on dirt that has no life left in it. It’s dead dirt if there is such a thing as dirt that is dead. I suspect given the location of our house that once some tree probably grew here. Walnut. Or Peach. Or cotton (not a tree just a bush). Or corn. Or any combination of all of those things. In any event, the soil is devoid of nutrient and hard like a rock. I meant to plant a nice crop of peas in the winter that I could till in to enrich the soil but alas, as is so often my excuse reason these days, I was exhausted.

I wasn’t too exhausted to bake these:

Or these:

It seems that no matter how exhausted I am I can find time to whip up a flippin cupcake. Oh how lucky for me.

Yeah. No.

IN OTHER news… The cherry tree never lets me down. See:

Oh well except for the fact the the birds pecked every GODFORSAKENMOTHERFLIPPIN cherry. And then, when they had what the could reach before the dog chased them off, the ants found the cherries and ate the rest. So in the end I ate 5 cherries. They were delicious though, those 5 little beauties.

Also my roses didn’t seem to mind the shit soil:

So yay. Only downside there is they only bloom once. WHHHHY? Why can’t they bloom all summer? David Austen MUST know that would absolutely MAKE MY LIFE.

Oh AND someone, praise the little baby Jesus in the manger, got TEETH. FINALLY. TWO OF THEM.

 


Soooo of course everyone is sleeping peacefully through the night now.

Yeah. No. Still not sleeping.

Cest la vie.

 

This kid:

He turned 13. God. Help. Me. Oh and apparently he taught himself to play the trombone in 60 seconds. Though to be fair, he already knew how to play the trumpet. So there’s that. See:

He’s the ubercool kid in the Spy sunglasses. With the hair. Oh the hair. Also he’s taller than me now. And yesterday we were talking about divorce and families (as that is happening to a couple of families we know recently) and how it gets easier with time and he said (AND I QUOTE) “MOM, divorce is a weight I carry upon my shoulders. Constantly. It’s like an EMOTIONAL BACKPACK. It’s a BACKPACK of EMOTION. Do you hear what I’m saying?”

Uh yeah. I hear you dude. Annnnnd the Oscar goes to…..

He. Is. Awesome.

So anyway he wanted chocolate cake for his birthday. With Chocolate frosting. With chocolate on top. Was I exhausted? Did I bake it?

Duh.

For his birthday we got him the coolest guitar EVAH. Cause oh yeah, he plays that too.

You may notice the strings are missing. Yes, it IS difficult to play a guitar with no strings, thank you for recognizing. They are missing BECAUSE 4 days after we bought him said guitar, it fell out of the back of my MONSTER Sequoia and broke in two pieces like a 90 year old hip (actually to be fair those usually break in more than two pieces. Poor fragile elderly ladies. God love em). SO yeah. Bummer. Like bad. We are fixing it now. Thank GOD my husband is a musical GENIUS. Phew.

Anyway that kid… He looks a little like me.

Just a little EXACTLY LIKE ME. Poor kid.

And her:

She thinks she looks just like her dad.

 

Uh huh. Sure.

Oh also I made some stuff:

That’s a necklace.

And this:

Is a pillowcase. Which will soon be available in my etsy shop. Where there is now absolutely not one SINGLE thing.

Alllllso… Hens.

Yes. Hens. For eggs. I needed one more thing to do.

Oh and one last thing. This happened.

 

That, my friends, is Stef. You may know her as Stef from Hear Me Roar but I know her just as Stef, the girl who was one year behind me in school. And now, I’m so pleased to say (ahem some 20 + years later) I also know her as friend.

 

Until next month, or you know, the next time i bake something, thanks for coming along.

 

xo ~ j

sisterhood , stuff. and things , teenagers , things kids say , things that happened this week

Disclaimer: These are just things MY 15 year old says (or has said at some point over the last year or so, give or take). I make no guarantee that every 15 year old will say all (or any) of these things. There is a pretty good chance you’re going to hear some of them though. Repeatedly.

a. Mom, I can’t wear the black Uggs with the brown belt. Ohmigawd (yes, it’s one word). You just don’t KNOW.

{No, clearly I do not.}

b. Mom, you are NEVER going to believe what (insert any girls name here) said today. She said she couldn’t believe (insert any other girls name here) even LIKED (insert any boys name here). He’s such a JERK. He was totally flirting with (insert yet another girls name here). He doesn’t even deserve (insert 2nd girls name again).

{Things used to be so simple.}

c. Mom, I’m hungry.

{Why am I not surprised?}

d. Mom, we don’t have ANYTHING to eat.

{Except that cabinet full of food.}

e. Oh. Em. Gee. Mom. Your boob is totally bigger than the babies HEAD.

{Gee. Thanks.}

f. Mom, don’t worry, it’s ok for you to get big when you’re pregnant.

{And. Again.}

g. Mom, are stretch marks inherited?

{Yeah. In reverse. I got mine from you.}

h. Mom, I have the BEST idea. Let’s go SHOPPING!

{Wow. That sounds super fun. Let me ask my huge human head sized boob if it wants to go too.}

i. Mom, my room IS clean. No, it’s clean. I swear.

{By the standards of? A homeless guy? Oh, ok. As long as we’re clear.}

j. Mom, WTH, why can’t I have a facebook. Come ON. PUH-LEASE.

{Ask your father.}

k. Mom, how do you know when you’re in love?

{If you have to ask, you aren’t}

l. Mom, what if you like a boy but he doesn’t like you? Ooooor what if he doesn’t even KNOW you?

{Introduce yourself. If he still doesn’t like you, he’s a idiot. At least temporarily. Move on. Wait 20 years. Call him up. See what happens. Maybe you’ll get married. :)}

m. Mom, why is your hair like so awesome and stays curly and mine won’t stay curled at all. It’s LAME.

{Genetics. Learn to love the hair you’ve got. There is a no exchange policy on hair.}

n. Mom, does this purse look ok with this outfit? (always say yes. Always. You’re going to be wrong anyway) . NO, it does NOT. You just don’t KNOW.

{No. Obviously not. Oh see h. We should go get another one. :-|}

o. Mom, when did you lose your virginity? Were you like married? Or what.

{How about we talk about my stretch marks again?.}

p. Mom, what is sex like?

{Fun. Or it should be. Next topic. }

q. Mom, you are like (btw, insert the word ‘like’ randomly in any sentence for 15 yo effect) SO good at being a mom. No mom, really. You’re like (there it is again) GOOD. How did you get so good?

{Years of practice. Mostly on you. Sorry about that.}

r. Mom, Ella is the luckiest baby ever to have you for a mommy.

{Thanks honey. I love you too.}

kids , mother , mothering , teenagers , things kids say