This is a long OVERDUE post that isn’t pregnancy related.

Don’t faint.

I have neglected the blog because, well, it’s not my priority. I don’t monetize my blog. I’ve never gotten anything free or made any money blogging. My blog is not my job. It is something I do for ME. My kids and my house are my my job and they are FULL TIME.

 

I find myself seeking balance. Looking for pause and reflection. This seems to be happening more and more and I suspect it has to do with growing new life. I’m past the mid point of pregnancy (I guess unless Max decides to cook to 43 weeks. Unlikely.) I can’t forget I’m pregnant for the huge belly but if it weren’t for that and the kicks I’d probably have to be reminded. Life with four kids is so incredibly busy. Like super super busy.

Busy.

 

Ella has been teething and sick and sick and teething. And not sleeping. But also: Walking. Running. Talking. Demanding my CONSTANT attention.

I find myself asking my 13 year old multiple times a day either 1. Who he is texting or 2. Who he is on the phone with. This is both maddening and exhausting. And a little bit exciting seeing him come into his own. Also he has straight A’s so there’s that.

Raising a 16 year old daughter challenges me unlike I’d ever expected. I thought she was a hard baby. Yeah. I’d rather do that again. I mean the head shaking. The sighing. The plugging of ears. God I love that kid. I do. No REALLY I DO. She’s trying to grow up. And sometimes trying to make me a little crazy.

My 11 year old is thankfully the one kid who doesn’t want to talk back, bicker, snot mouth, ignore etc. He does his chores quietly and with little nudging. Now if only I could get him to stop leaving underwear on the floor. Next year he’ll be in junior high. And that makes me a little weak in the knees.

In any case you can see how this would get a little, eh hectic, on a day to day type basis. If I blog I can’t sew and if I sew I can’t blog and if I crochet or knit I can’t blog or sew and if I clean and cook and bake I can’t crochet or blog or knit OR sew. And if I manage to get all the laundry done I probably can’t do any of those things.  Oh and there’s all my twitter friends, which are almost my only friends. And I’m finding that those lines are being crossed too where my twitter friends are becoming my REAL friends or vice versa so I don’t ever want to ignore these relationships either. And somewhere in there I have to mother these people and be a wife-y type person too and  do it while my husband is gone half the week. So you know.

Busy.

I’ve found, for my own PERSONAL brand of sanity, that I *really* need to do a little of all of those things. I NEED a clean house but I also NEED to sew and I NEED to knit ANd crochet AND cook and I am happiest when I am successful at all of that PLUS being a decent mother and wife. Or trying anyway.
And then there are days (weeks, MONTHS even) where people are sick or teething or just needy and I go days without ever spending time on MY sanity. And I start to feel a little, well, insane. And I usually cry. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I clean. And most of the time I need Matt to say HEY YOU NEED TO SLEEP (or do something for yourself).

SO I try to eat healthy.

I take time to do some creative things that nourish me… like sewing:

Making curtains I’ve wanted for a year and a half (also a clean space and clean sheets helps).

Or crocheting with some NICE yarn (because I’m WORTH nice yarn).

Or make something for someone (in this case a hat for Max).

It’s easy to become very preoccupied with SURVIVING as a mother of one or two or four or five. And I have to remind myself that MY cup needs filling. I need fulfillment and sometimes I need nurturing too. Trying to do it all and be everything to everyone is a bad idea sometimes. Sometimes admitting the things you aren’t capable of makes you, in fact, capable. These are the lessons of womanhood and of motherhood. And I’m learning them. Daily.

 

(nearly) wordless wednesday , crochet , knit , knitting , mothering , sewing , teenagers , thankful

OHHHH it’s supposed to be thankful Thursday. Right. I forgot. Well hey… I only blog like once every hundred days so forgive me for mixing up the order of things.

I’m done whining.

Remember last week when I was whining? I’m done. Thanks for playing. This week I can’t help but be grateful. For like EVERYTHING. See today my husband drove off to work AGAIN. (I’m not supposed to tell you he left cause that puts me in a danger of a stalker coming to my house so forget I said that. Oh and PS my dog BITES). Anyway he left like he does every week. Sigh. And  I felt pitiful for about five minutes after he left and then I got up and got the baby and we played and we came downstairs and ate. Blueberries. And pineapple. And yogurt. And toast. And it was glorious.

I’m LUCKY. Like so super lucky. Yesterday I read this and she talked about her decision to work and her happiness with it. And it reminded me AGAIN that I don’t wanna. I don’t. I don’t wanna leave my baby. The right thing is different for everyone (and you need to be grown up enough to know what the right thing is and to be able to actually ADMIT it) but the right thing for me is to stay home. And I’m lucky because I know it’s the right thing for other moms to stay home too but they can’t, because they need to EAT AND PAY THE ELECTRICITY (and I used to be that mom). So I’m lucky. We aren’t rich. My husband makes a great living but we aren’t going to Hawaii this summer (or like ever) and my kids all need shorts (because they grow like 2 inches a MONTH) and I have to figure out how to make that happen… but we are not  hungry, our electricity is not shut off. I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to pay the water bill. And I am HOME.

I get to go to coffee and have baby playdates.

 

I get to shop for yarn.

I get to make things.

(Like this book for Ella)

 

(LION. Rawr)

 

(whale with zipper mouth)

(Nemo’s that snap on/off)

 

(flowers that come off with buttons)

 

(momma owl with velcro baby hidden inside)

(monkey with peel back banana)

(mama bluebird with her babies that come out of the nest)

(babywearing momma {and under her shirt BOOBIES!})

(Ella likes it)

ALSO this:

Oh also…I get to bake.

Annnd I get to see this:

Every. Single. Day.

Which. Is. Awesome.

I’m so grateful that my husband is not only able but WILLING to leave here every week to go to work so I can STAY HERE. Because here is where I most want to be.

 

Dear Husband,

Thank you for doing what you do. Day in and day out. Every day. When it’s hard. When it’s easy. On the days you get donuts (or tequila or a full nights sleep) I may be jealous. I may not be able to mask it very well (because sometimes I’m a whiny baby) but I thank you. For being smart and valuable enough that Huge Internet Company will pay you and keep you (and even sometimes take you to the beach.) And for caring that our baby be raised by me while you’re away. While you are gone I will keep the house clean, and the baby alive and (mostly) happy. And wait. For you.

love you for always,

Whiny Wife

crafting , crafts , thankful , things I luuuurve


Ten things I love about you…

After writing my recent post about the youngest Boy, I was asked if I would be devoting a post to each family member. Seems fair enough.

The Man gets to go first. Because he’s oldest (as he would point out though, not as old as me, by 77 ish days).

Note: These are in no particular order. Also I’m only doing 10. Because if I did them all I’d really be writing a book.

1. When we were newly pregnant (and I do mean we) and I said “I think we should think about having the baby at home” he didn’t look at me like I was from Mars. He just said “If you’ve done your research and you think that’s the best thing, I trust you. We should have the baby at home.” Well ok. He did his research too. And sure enough we did it. And he was right there the whole time.

It was outstanding.

2. We met when we were 11. At the district spelling bee (I remember it better than him). No kidding. I’m not gonna lie, his blue eyes were the thing that I saw first. I love them. Now, I get to see them everyday. It’s awesome. I hate to be focused on such things as this (and he may be embarrassed to read this) but he is a hot little number.

Mmhm.

Also, he won. He’s a good speller (it’s all about the brains man).
3. He loves to cook. No, seriously. He’s good at it too. He makes a mean Kung Pao. Or fried rice with whatever is left over in fridge.

He also makes a mess of the kitchen, but he cleans up (see #8).
4. He loves my bigger post-pregnant body as much as he loved my little teeny pre-pregnant body (if not more). It’s nice to not feel that Victoria’s Secret skinny made-up augmented pressure from the man you love. He’d be downright mad if I even considered plastic surgery. He likes roundness. Wrinkles. Grey hair. My squishy belly.

Even if he liked my skinny body better, I sure can’t tell.

5. He loves our little Ella. The way he calls her beautiful is ridiculously sweet. Like dripping with honey that’s mixed with sugar that’s on top of a twinkie and drizzled with syrup sweet.

If he’s holding her it’s all I can do to not cry.

6. And while we’re on that… He loves the Big Kids. They aren’t his biologically but you wouldn’t know it to be around him. He helps with math, teaches drums, practices guitar. He takes them to lessons, shopping, comforts them when their fish die, rubs backs and feet, soothes nerves. It’s exhausting but he is selfless with his time and energy.

Before he met me he had a cat.

Just a cat.

7. See #6: He plays guitar and drums. Both very well. I like that. A lot. We have a drum set smack in the middle of our living room. That is why. He plays sometimes when I am doing housework and I have to stop and wiggle a little bit.

He keeps me dancing.

8. He’s no stranger to dishes. Or laundry. Or vacuuming. And he would do them totally unsolicited. If they haven’t done a study on how men doing housework effects their romantic relationship, they really should.

I’ll volunteer.

9. He’s not pretentious. Or a hipster. Or a snob. Or an ass. He’s a funny, intelligent, all around good guy. He’s eco-aware and supports (if not pushes along) my efforts in living more green. He could get along with anyone… Except an opinionated, loudmouth, pushy conservative. If he runs into one of those, things are gonna get heated. But I love that too. If they’re just conservative and not a jerk about it, he’ll be delighted to share points of view rationally.

He is not apathetic.

10. When we got married in July we wrote our own vows. I listened very closely to his. And I’m pretty sure he carefully considered every word. In them he promised to rub my shoulders every night and to make me laugh every day and you know what, he really does it. I promised to be his lover and best friend.

And I totally am.

11. Bonus: He’s a great kisser. You’ll have to take my word for it.

(I know that’s 11. It’s my list.)

thankful , the man